Couples Therapy
Has Your Relationship Gotten Off Track?
Have you and your partner reached a point where you no longer feel close to each other?
Does it seem like no matter how hard you try to avoid having the same argument over and over, you always end up back in the same place?
Whether it’s due to current life circumstances or, perhaps, a betrayal in the relationship, are you struggling to find a way forward?
If you and your partner have grown distant and you no longer feel safe and supported in your relationship, it can be destabilizing. Without your partner to rely on, you may feel anxious, irritable, and uncertain about what the future holds. Or maybe after gradually drifting apart, you’ve lost the spark you once shared and have become closed off, emotionally and sexually, from each other.
You May Feel Helpless And Stuck
Each day, you may notice how ongoing conflict quietly affects many areas of your daily life. Perhaps your performance at work has suffered because you’re distracted and unfocused. A troubled relationship with your partner can also impact your parenting, making it harder to be present, patient, and consistent with your kids. If your relationship is in crisis and you’re reeling from the fallout of an affair, you may be struggling to eat and sleep regularly and be racked with fear that your relationship is over.
When you try to discuss things, one of you may become angry and lash out emotionally, while the other stonewalls to avoid addressing the subject. Without mutual empathy, the conversation goes nowhere, and you feel stuck.
Fortunately, couples therapy can help you get back on the same page and find common ground. Working with a couples therapist provides a safe container to foster connection, rebuild trust, and restore a loving, healthy relationship.
Have Questions About Couples Therapy?
Relationships In The Modern World Can Be Challenging
In today’s world, couples face many factors that work against sustaining a long-term relationship. From the onset, we often enter relationships filled with unrealistic expectations. Pop culture and social media are flooded with misrepresentations of what love, romance, and intimacy actually look like in real life. Consequently, we may compare ourselves to these ideals and conclude we’re falling short.
However, when put to the test by external pressures, such as long work hours, financial commitments, having kids, and juggling work/life balance, our relationship may crumple under the weight of too many obligations. Without having had healthy role models growing up, we may be particularly vulnerable to life stressors and reach a point where we feel out of our depth keeping a relationship going.
Admitting We Need Help Isn’t Always Easy
Unfortunately, we rarely have the insight and perspective to notice the patterns we fall into that strain our relationship. In addition to these blind spots, we must also acknowledge the stigma that comes with seeking couples therapy. We may put off counseling because we’re ashamed to admit that something isn’t working and that we can’t fix it ourselves. Even when we fear failing our partner and ourselves, we might hold off taking action.
But it’s okay to ask for help. Having the courage to try couples counseling allows you to embark on a new chapter in your relationship that not only improves the quality of your communication but can also enhance your emotional bond.
Couples Therapy Can Help Strengthen Your Relationship
Couples therapy is like hitting the reset button on your relationship. With a willingness to look at things with a fresh perspective and try out new ways of communicating, you can reestablish a closer, deeper connection.
And if you’re trying to decide whether to stay together, I can help you reach a mutually beneficial decision that works for both of you. If you’ve already reached an impasse where your communication has become strained—or nonexistent—and emotional distance has grown between you, having a neutral third party to provide a fresh perspective on your relationship can help you establish a clear path forward.
What To Expect In Sessions
In my role as a couples therapist, I help you notice patterns that emerge in your relationship dynamics. By slowing down the conversation and noticing not only what is being said but also what’s left unsaid, you can learn to express how you’re feeling in a way your partner can hear and empathize with.
Within the safety of the therapy room, I will encourage you to be vulnerable, honest, and open with each other. Once we’ve improved communication, you can foster a relationship where you feel heard and supported. Eventually, you’ll learn to apply these skills to your interactions outside of therapy without my help.
Long-term goals for couples or marriage counseling will be tailored to your needs. For example, if you’re hoping to repair trust after an affair, we will explore the tender emotions that underlie the hurt and the negative cycles in place that led to the betrayal.
Understanding your patterns and what formed them places the affair within a broader context, allowing for empathy and forgiveness. And if a particular life transition is straining your relationship, such as becoming new parents, I can help you reach compromises and/or come up with equitable solutions.
Emotion-Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT-C)
When working with couples, I like to incorporate Emotion-Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT-C), an experiential, evidence-based approach that nurtures connection, empathy, and vulnerability. Informed by the principles of attachment theory, EFT-C teaches couples how to identify underlying feelings in the moment, such as shame, fear, and sadness, that are often masked by defensive reactions, like criticism, anger, and avoidance. Additionally, I may draw from the Gottman Method when applicable to ensure you have the necessary tools to resolve conflict.
Once you learn how to identify the cycles that have kept you stuck in negative communication patterns and replace them with a more authentic, vulnerable way of connecting, you have the key to unlock a happier relationship. With the return of trust, empathy, and intimacy, you can leave couples counseling with a deeper bond than you’ve ever had before.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right For You…
Will talking about the problems in our relationship make things worse?
Understandably, you may worry that airing your grievances will cause further damage. However, I would challenge this notion and say that sweeping your problems under the rug is more likely to make things worse, not better. The goal of being open with each other in couples or marriage counseling is not to stir up drama, but to help you communicate in a way that feels safe for you and your partner.
We tried marriage therapy before, but it didn’t help us.
Even if you had a bad experience previously, you shouldn’t close the door on therapy entirely. For couples therapy to be successful, it’s important that both of you feel comfortable with the couples counselor you choose to work with. I offer a free consultation to make sure we are a good fit.
My partner is reluctant to go to couples counseling because they worry the therapist will take sides.
This is a valid concern for many clients and one that I take seriously. As a couples and marriage counselor, I am trained to be a neutral observer in the room. It is never my practice to take sides or determine who is right or wrong. My perspective is that both partners have strengths and want the relationship to work. It’s my job to help you bridge the divide and find better ways of communicating.
It's Never Too Late To Improve Your Relationship
With a commitment to counseling, you can reclaim a deeper connection. To schedule a free, 15-minute consultation to learn more about couples therapy, please contact me.
